So you think you are a hipster
11/30/2016
50 insightful entries examining the self-proclaimed urban elite. Skinny jeans? Check. Charity-shop clothing? Check. Non-essential prescription glasses? Check. Beanie balanced artfully on the back of your skull? Check. These items have become the uniform for a new breed of young people - hipsters - determined to take over cities with their "alternative" ways whilst overloading on irony and striving to be original and creative.
So You Think You're a Hipster? examines what it takes to become one of this ever-growing tribe of middle-class urbanites, just as desperate to be accepted by their peers as they are to receive the next rent cheque from mum and dad. Over the following pages a series of hilarious case studies will identify typical examples of the subculture, helping you to avoid any future encounters with them. Take thrift-store guy, who at 35 still works selling worn sneakers and threadbare t-shirts for extortionate amounts and still dreams of one day getting his latest album reviewed on Pitchfork. Or the aspiring author who lugs around an oldfashioned typewriter to write down her inspirational musings at a moments notice. Then there's ironic moustache man whose facial hair makes him feel like a highly individual fashion maverick, despite the fact all his graphic designer friends have one, too.
hip•ster - \hip-stur (s)\ n. One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed cool by the cool. (Note: it is no longer recommended that one use the term "cool"; a Hipster would instead say "deck.") The Hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and shuns or reduces to kitsch anything held dear by the mainstream. A Hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat.
Clues You Are a Hipster
1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn't won a game since the Reagan administration.
2. You frequently use the term "postmodern" (or its commonly used variation"PoMo") as an adjective, noun, and verb.
3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses.
4. You have refined taste and consider yourself exceptionally cultured, but have one pop vice (ElimiDATE, Quiet Riot, and Entertainment Weekly are popular ones) that helps to define you as well-rounded.
5. You have kissed someone of the same gender and often bring this up in casual conversation.
6. You spend much of your leisure time in bars and restaurants with monosyllabic names like Plant, Bound, and Shine.
7. You bought your dishes and a checkered tablecloth at a thrift shop to be kitschy, and often throw vegetarian dinner parties.
8. You have one Republican friend whom you always describe as being your "one Republican friend."
9. You enjoy complaining about gentrification even though you are responsible for it yourself.
10. Your hair looks best unwashed and you position your head on your pillow at night in a way that will really maximize your cowlicks.
11. You own records put out by Matador, DFA, Definitive Jux, Dischord, Warp, Thrill Jockey, Smells Like Records, and Drag City.
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